709 Give and Receive あげます もらいます

To give and to receive

Think of Japanese society as a long queue of people all standing on a gigantic escalator going all the way (a fact of life) to Heaven. Everyone is standing somewhere on this escalator. Some people run past you, some people obediently stand beside you, others take pleasure from going back a little. Wherever you stand gives you a relationship to the other people on that Great Escalator of Life.

Thus Japanese people perceive the group of people around them – they are either up the ladder, beside them, or down the ladder. In fact, there are slightly different escalators. 

Some people are born on “the Fancy Roller”, others are born on “The Great Common Roller”, or “Steam Roller”. Whichever roller Fate has put you on, you still have a position to maintain.

It is very likely that you stand on the Common Roller and in that case Fate has given you the following instructions:

I give to above – さしあげます

I give to equal – あげます

I give to below – やります

Those same instructions apply to receiving:

I receive from high above – いただきます

I receive from equal – もらいます

I receive from below – もらいます

PS: now you know why you begin a meal with いただきます. It means “you graciously receive” – what is meant is “you rceived from God – かみさま.” In English: “for what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful”.

And the same instructions also apply to someone giving me:

Someone gives ME from above –

くださいました

Someone gives ME from equal or below –

くれました

  

Now you also know why you use the word ください such a lot – you acknowledge the favour from ABOVE your station in life.

Here endeth the escalator

Human relationships are complicated and just like the traffic on a real escalator people forget their place, people are rude or people may be ignorant.